alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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