Sry I called you an 8
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
