Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
