i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
...so i touched it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
