I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
