I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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