Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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