So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
