So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
