What did we do last night that was yellow?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
