How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize