:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
