i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
