you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
