remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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