i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
