We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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