If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
