i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Who died my cat blue again?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
