didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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