you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
