So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
