True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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