it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
