Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
