No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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