shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
