Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize