Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
