Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
