We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
