so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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