You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
