Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
