Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
