Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
