Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
