I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
