His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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