Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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