When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
