i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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