Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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