After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
