don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
