My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
