Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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