Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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