Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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