Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize