Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize