Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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