Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
