Duck Duck Cougar?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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