Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
