Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize