I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
