I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
