i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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