he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
