Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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