a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
