someone get that fucking seahorse.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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