dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
