So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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