I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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