I accidentally had phone sex last night
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
