I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize