john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
