Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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