I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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